It's 3:35 a.m. I woke up as my daughter is standing by my bed asking mom mom what's wrong. Twice my husband had tried to wake me up from my nightmare already. I was taking and sobbing in my sleep. I'm writing this now because it's still so vivid.
All my family is gathered at one of my sisters house, it's a big party. The house is big and immaculate (in reality it's a small house and usually its very messy) It's decorated magnificently. There is food and drinks everywhere. There are many people talking, laughing, drinking and playing games.
As usual I'm sitting by my daughter just observing and making small talk with her and her friends. Then my grand daughter comes and I start to play with her. Then I feed her, change her diaper and put her to bed in a room set up just for sleepy kids. Then I check on my daughter and now she wants to go to bed too. I make sure she changes and find a bed for her.
Finally I join the grown ups. I find my husband at the bar and ask for my first drink. As he is getting a drink my older brother comes and asks him for help with something relating to other guests. It's very noisy but I can hear my husband say "in a minuet let me give this to Mineh". I guess my brother doesn't like his answer and hits my husband. I see the drink in his hand flying in the air in slow motion. And then it lands all over my head. My husband is running after my brother and I'm hysterical. I'm standing there with my messed up hair and wet dress screaming. No one is paying attention, they are all busy having fun. I want to go home that minuet, I must wake up my daughter, find my car and go home. My sisters are asking why I want to leave the party. I'm still crying and it's hard for me to explain. Nobody seems to understand or care and they are blaming me. I'm frustrated because it's difficult to talk and the noise is so loud that they can't hear me. I'm hurt because my husband left me standing there and ran after my brother. At that moment I feel no one cares for me, not my husband, not my brother nor my sisters. I'm hopeless and heart broken.
I'm ready to go but now I can't find my car. It's nowhere to be found. I don't remember what color my car is or where we parked when we came. We get on a bus ( I haven't taken a bus in 30 years) and finally are at our apartment building (we live in a house). But I don't know what our apartment number is and I don't have a key. A neighbor recognizes us and tells me our number and then the building manager gives me a key.
In my dream I keep trying to explain again and again what happened, why I was crying, why I so unhappy and angry, but no one seemed to understand. And I was just bawling and saying I don't need you, I don't need any one, I can be as cold as you are, I can turn to stone just like you. And everyone's face had turned to a mask and the masks were looking at me with accusing eyes full of hatred.
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